hahahah so i found this through one of my fav blogsites, Afterellen.com. Its the "literal version" video for Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart. The creator basically reworked the lyrics to describe what is actually happening in the video. And since the video is from the 80's it ends up being hilarious. There are a bunch of these on youtube but i havent found any as good as this. If you find another funny one that is done well PLEASE share with me!
bon appetit!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
JALEH - this one's for you
Cannibal Queen - Miniature Tigers
oh and this one too :)
Magic Show - Electric Owls
Cannibal Queen - Miniature Tigers
oh and this one too :)
Magic Show - Electric Owls
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Stray Age
This song came on at random a few nights ago while i was out on the porch. I downloaded it last October and never really listened to it all that much, but now i cant stop playing it. Its so beautiful. Enjoy :)
So much of what I pushed out once
Has returned after all these months
To go where you have been
To be where you are... again
Come be close and be rested
Darlin' come be close
And be rested
Minds from a stray age
News comes round from another day's page
To go where you have been
To be where you are... again
Come be close and be rested
Darlin' come be close
And be rested
To go where you have been
To be where you are... again
Come be close and be rested
Darlin' come be close
And be rested
Come be close
And be rested
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Idol Recap 7
So i guess its down to the final 4? Sweet. Does that mean they each get two? No? it still sucks? I guess they are doing duets now instead which is kinda cool-ish. I mean the group songs are ALWAYS amazing so this oughta be great....
Rock week? how vague
Slash is the mentor? FUCK YOU SLASH. And fuck your stupid hat. Do you know how long it took me to beat him on guitar hero: world tour? He kept kicking my ass.... it was so frustrating. Fuck off Slash. Your name is a mark of punctuation. Take that. / = LAME.
(Ps i just found out slash played for guns and roses.... i like had no idea, im so not educated in the ways of rock)
Sooooo im always looking for ways to amp up my blog and take it to the next level. I had no ideas for this week and was struggling around 2 in the morning. Schen suggested we play apples to apples with the contestants (i swear we werent high) and i thought it was a great idea (naturally). So i went through the show and pulled a green card and two red cards for each performance. Keep in mind they are totally drawn at random and my job is to somehow make a connection. Lets play!
Adam Lamert AKA The Sun of the Idol Universe - "Whole Lotta Love"
Amazing hair and makeup this week. His outfit is kind of edward scissorhandsy. Im not that into it his performance this week. He sounds kind of whiney. And almost a little sharp. I honestly dont think he would be my favorite anymore if he wasnt gay. Wait, does that make me biased against straight people? Am i now no better than homophobes? No not really, i just love gay people. But back to Adam.... i dont really like it. sorry. Maybe next week. 7.3 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Emotional, Whips, Adolf Hitler - Okay so emotional, naturally. Whips i can also understand, he has that whole S&M vibe to his performances. But Hitler? Really? Maybe even hitler would love his music. Even though hitler hated gay people. Um.... Or is it Hitler needed a "Whole Lotta Love"?
Sidenote: What the fuck is Kara wearing? and what is wrong with her? she was so over the top with the gestures and the critique and at one point she said "yes yes yes" in the herbal essence style. Adam makes her body do things it doesnt understand.
"... The song "A whole lotta love", i say youre a whole lotta perfect" - Miss Abdul
Allison Iraheta AKA Last Girl Standing (besides Adam... JK) - "Cry Baby"
Oooo i havent heard it yet but damn girl, this is a song that you kind of shouldnt touch. Its got a do not touch sign on it. Lets see how it goes - Hmm mhmmm. Nope. Huh-uh. She doesnt have it. No wonder she went home this week (Spoiler alert. Wait, doesnt that go before the spoiler? oh well). The song is too big for her. She sounds fine, pretty good actually, but she doesnt have close to the ammount of soul and blues as the original. Its like she was trying to swing one of those big hammer things at a carnival and ring the bell at the top but Janis Joplin is fucking Hercules. (Random nonsensical analogies? Absolutely!) 5.6 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Sensitive, Spilled Milk, Computer Hackers - She is sensitive, and her song this week was cry baby. Spilled milk is something you cry over, and computer hackers are the reason the votes got rigged and Danny didnt go home. (thanks schen-lah)
** Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while standing: 0, Random panning shots to Paula during contestants performances: 2, Wrist-to-wrist special ed. clapping: 2 **
Danny Gokey and Kris Allen AKA Dead Wife Band ("But Kris' wife isnt dead yet" "That can change")- "Renegade"
Im confused. They seem scared. Oh but they are harmonizing and i like it. Oh but Kris is trying to sound too rock god-ish and its straining his vocal chords. They are sounding fine but not selling it and performing it enough. Its not exciitng enough, i dont beleive them when they sing about being wanted by the law and being on the lam and facing the gallows and shit. i mean come on. Danny is wearing a fucking button down. It didnt wow me, i thought the duet was kind of a weird concept. Dont do that again idol, dont do that again. But it was better than Allison. 6.1 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Playful, Hangnails, Hooligans - Hangnails are painful, just like this performance. Hooligans ties in because they are kind of like renegades, and playful because its playful to sing about escaping being hanged? nice one fates of card randomation, nice one.
Kris Allen AKA Adam's Only Threat - "Come Together"
CAREFUL. Careful Kris. i like this song. Its a beatles song. Its a classic. CAREFUL. He is doing pretty well, i like that he is playing the guitar on this one. Cuz you know it is rock week and that is a rock instrument. I think the song isnt a great one for displaying vocals but he definatley did the most that he could with it. Near the end he dropped into his lower range and it was too low for him. Overall i liked it. I wouldnt listen to it on a CD or the radio though. Not my fav from him. Damn, they are striking out this week. 6.9 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Organic, Baking Cookies, Bubbles - Hahaha Baking cookies and bubbles are sweet things that make you happy in an innocent way, like Kris. And he is kind of hippie ish acousticy, so organic works perfectly.
Okay so there was this group of giggling girls that were laughing when Paula critiqued Kris. They did it twice, very loudly and rudely, and i want to take this opportunity to wish pain and destruction upon them. How dare you laugh at Paula! And worse how dare you interupt her! She could have been about to spout some precious gem of Pauladom, a nugget of wisdom if you will. What if she was about to say the next "you dare to dance in the path of greatness"? Shame on you. Fucking idiots. Moving on.
Danny Gokey AKA - "Dream On"
WHY. Why do you do this to me Gokey??? I asked you two weeks in a row to shave and you didnt. Are you purposefully trying to piss me off or is it accidental? Bad bad song choice, this is another classic you dont do. Steven Tyler is like the Whitney Housten of men, you dont even try and sing his songs. Sorry Danny but you suck. And i hate your face. And the falsetto????? SCARY. Scary. But you know one thing i love about him everyweek? He gets paula on her feet (RHYME. i rhymed. woot!) Bad scream falsetto thing danny. bad. 3.5 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Insane, Baked Beans, Nuclear Power Plants - Anyone who likes Gokey is insane, baked beans cause a stink and so does he, and nuclear power plants put out nuclear waste which is useless and takes up space just like Danny. Eff him.
Allison Iraheta and Adam Lambert - "Slow Ride"
Mmmmm he is so sexy. They have great energy together. And i didnt think they could make this song work as a duet, but they really pulled it off. It was better when they did solo stuff but the harmony was aight. And i love that Adam tried really hard not to outshine her but it was impossible. I mean he is like the Sun of the Idol Universe. He shines that bright. Cuz he is gay. And gay people actually emit light. They are luminescent. It comes in handy at night or while in caves. And according to Paula they are the perfect marriage. Paula? Really? really. Sigh. do we have to go over this again? Like isnt this my 7th recap? My God that is a lot of blogging. Im worn out. 8.8 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Lazy, The Common Loon, Chorus Girls - Lazy equals slow, kind of, and they sang slow ride. The Common Loon is the bird that appears on Canada's "Loonie", a form of currency. Cuz they are cash money money baby. And Chorus Girls.... HAHAHAHA OMG CHORUS GIRLS! hahahha are you kidding me?!?!?! hahahah oh that is too funny. Yay for random hilariousness.
** Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while standing: 1, Random panning shots to Paula during contestants performances: 3, Wrist-to-wrist special ed. clapping: 3 **
Well im exhausted! Im really sad Allison went home this week (spoiler alert! oh wait.... i did that wrong again). I wish she could have beat out Gokey but we all knew it would come to these three. Like i could have told you that 7 weeks ago. I was kind of bored this week, i cant wait to have 2 songs from each next week. It should be a good week. Anything will be an improvement from this week. Geez. Feel free to try your hand at the Apples to Idols cards, see what connections you can come up with in your comments! I will talk to you soon (ttyl, for all of you txters). Until then...
Bon Appetit!
Rock week? how vague
Slash is the mentor? FUCK YOU SLASH. And fuck your stupid hat. Do you know how long it took me to beat him on guitar hero: world tour? He kept kicking my ass.... it was so frustrating. Fuck off Slash. Your name is a mark of punctuation. Take that. / = LAME.
(Ps i just found out slash played for guns and roses.... i like had no idea, im so not educated in the ways of rock)
Sooooo im always looking for ways to amp up my blog and take it to the next level. I had no ideas for this week and was struggling around 2 in the morning. Schen suggested we play apples to apples with the contestants (i swear we werent high) and i thought it was a great idea (naturally). So i went through the show and pulled a green card and two red cards for each performance. Keep in mind they are totally drawn at random and my job is to somehow make a connection. Lets play!
Adam Lamert AKA The Sun of the Idol Universe - "Whole Lotta Love"
Amazing hair and makeup this week. His outfit is kind of edward scissorhandsy. Im not that into it his performance this week. He sounds kind of whiney. And almost a little sharp. I honestly dont think he would be my favorite anymore if he wasnt gay. Wait, does that make me biased against straight people? Am i now no better than homophobes? No not really, i just love gay people. But back to Adam.... i dont really like it. sorry. Maybe next week. 7.3 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Emotional, Whips, Adolf Hitler - Okay so emotional, naturally. Whips i can also understand, he has that whole S&M vibe to his performances. But Hitler? Really? Maybe even hitler would love his music. Even though hitler hated gay people. Um.... Or is it Hitler needed a "Whole Lotta Love"?
Sidenote: What the fuck is Kara wearing? and what is wrong with her? she was so over the top with the gestures and the critique and at one point she said "yes yes yes" in the herbal essence style. Adam makes her body do things it doesnt understand.
"... The song "A whole lotta love", i say youre a whole lotta perfect" - Miss Abdul
Allison Iraheta AKA Last Girl Standing (besides Adam... JK) - "Cry Baby"
Oooo i havent heard it yet but damn girl, this is a song that you kind of shouldnt touch. Its got a do not touch sign on it. Lets see how it goes - Hmm mhmmm. Nope. Huh-uh. She doesnt have it. No wonder she went home this week (Spoiler alert. Wait, doesnt that go before the spoiler? oh well). The song is too big for her. She sounds fine, pretty good actually, but she doesnt have close to the ammount of soul and blues as the original. Its like she was trying to swing one of those big hammer things at a carnival and ring the bell at the top but Janis Joplin is fucking Hercules. (Random nonsensical analogies? Absolutely!) 5.6 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Sensitive, Spilled Milk, Computer Hackers - She is sensitive, and her song this week was cry baby. Spilled milk is something you cry over, and computer hackers are the reason the votes got rigged and Danny didnt go home. (thanks schen-lah)
** Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while standing: 0, Random panning shots to Paula during contestants performances: 2, Wrist-to-wrist special ed. clapping: 2 **
Danny Gokey and Kris Allen AKA Dead Wife Band ("But Kris' wife isnt dead yet" "That can change")- "Renegade"
Im confused. They seem scared. Oh but they are harmonizing and i like it. Oh but Kris is trying to sound too rock god-ish and its straining his vocal chords. They are sounding fine but not selling it and performing it enough. Its not exciitng enough, i dont beleive them when they sing about being wanted by the law and being on the lam and facing the gallows and shit. i mean come on. Danny is wearing a fucking button down. It didnt wow me, i thought the duet was kind of a weird concept. Dont do that again idol, dont do that again. But it was better than Allison. 6.1 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Playful, Hangnails, Hooligans - Hangnails are painful, just like this performance. Hooligans ties in because they are kind of like renegades, and playful because its playful to sing about escaping being hanged? nice one fates of card randomation, nice one.
Kris Allen AKA Adam's Only Threat - "Come Together"
CAREFUL. Careful Kris. i like this song. Its a beatles song. Its a classic. CAREFUL. He is doing pretty well, i like that he is playing the guitar on this one. Cuz you know it is rock week and that is a rock instrument. I think the song isnt a great one for displaying vocals but he definatley did the most that he could with it. Near the end he dropped into his lower range and it was too low for him. Overall i liked it. I wouldnt listen to it on a CD or the radio though. Not my fav from him. Damn, they are striking out this week. 6.9 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Organic, Baking Cookies, Bubbles - Hahaha Baking cookies and bubbles are sweet things that make you happy in an innocent way, like Kris. And he is kind of hippie ish acousticy, so organic works perfectly.
Okay so there was this group of giggling girls that were laughing when Paula critiqued Kris. They did it twice, very loudly and rudely, and i want to take this opportunity to wish pain and destruction upon them. How dare you laugh at Paula! And worse how dare you interupt her! She could have been about to spout some precious gem of Pauladom, a nugget of wisdom if you will. What if she was about to say the next "you dare to dance in the path of greatness"? Shame on you. Fucking idiots. Moving on.
Danny Gokey AKA - "Dream On"
WHY. Why do you do this to me Gokey??? I asked you two weeks in a row to shave and you didnt. Are you purposefully trying to piss me off or is it accidental? Bad bad song choice, this is another classic you dont do. Steven Tyler is like the Whitney Housten of men, you dont even try and sing his songs. Sorry Danny but you suck. And i hate your face. And the falsetto????? SCARY. Scary. But you know one thing i love about him everyweek? He gets paula on her feet (RHYME. i rhymed. woot!) Bad scream falsetto thing danny. bad. 3.5 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Insane, Baked Beans, Nuclear Power Plants - Anyone who likes Gokey is insane, baked beans cause a stink and so does he, and nuclear power plants put out nuclear waste which is useless and takes up space just like Danny. Eff him.
Allison Iraheta and Adam Lambert - "Slow Ride"
Mmmmm he is so sexy. They have great energy together. And i didnt think they could make this song work as a duet, but they really pulled it off. It was better when they did solo stuff but the harmony was aight. And i love that Adam tried really hard not to outshine her but it was impossible. I mean he is like the Sun of the Idol Universe. He shines that bright. Cuz he is gay. And gay people actually emit light. They are luminescent. It comes in handy at night or while in caves. And according to Paula they are the perfect marriage. Paula? Really? really. Sigh. do we have to go over this again? Like isnt this my 7th recap? My God that is a lot of blogging. Im worn out. 8.8 out of 10.
APPLES TO IDOLS CARDS: Lazy, The Common Loon, Chorus Girls - Lazy equals slow, kind of, and they sang slow ride. The Common Loon is the bird that appears on Canada's "Loonie", a form of currency. Cuz they are cash money money baby. And Chorus Girls.... HAHAHAHA OMG CHORUS GIRLS! hahahha are you kidding me?!?!?! hahahah oh that is too funny. Yay for random hilariousness.
** Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while standing: 1, Random panning shots to Paula during contestants performances: 3, Wrist-to-wrist special ed. clapping: 3 **
Well im exhausted! Im really sad Allison went home this week (spoiler alert! oh wait.... i did that wrong again). I wish she could have beat out Gokey but we all knew it would come to these three. Like i could have told you that 7 weeks ago. I was kind of bored this week, i cant wait to have 2 songs from each next week. It should be a good week. Anything will be an improvement from this week. Geez. Feel free to try your hand at the Apples to Idols cards, see what connections you can come up with in your comments! I will talk to you soon (ttyl, for all of you txters). Until then...
Bon Appetit!
Idol Recap 6. It was a boring episode.
HEEYYYYY. hey there. hello. im so tired ugh but you people make me do this (shhh i actually enjoy it but its kind of geeky to admit you like to blog so im trying to act cool. is it working? it think it totally is).
Ryan is a midget. Hahahahha i dont like that man.
Its the top 5! woo hoo! Is this the week i count up how many times paula uses 4 syllable words? Or maybe its the week i match up everyone to their cooridnating backstreet boy? (you know which one is lance....) What crazy shinanagins do i have in store this week? Lets find out!
Oh its the Rat Pack Week? Really? Wow this is gonna be one of those boring nights huh? And Jamie Foxx is a chump. Im not a fan, so im going to pretend he doesnt exist this week. And when do they start singing 2 songs? cuz only 5 songs is going to make this a short very boring blog. They used to have 2 each in the top 5, what the hell happened FOX? Sigh. Dont expect greatness from me this week. I dont dare to blog in the path of greatness.
Kris Allen AKA People Finally Know Who He Is - "The Way You Look Tonight"
Awww he is adorable, i see it now. Wow he really can sing, But it seemed short. Why dont they let them sing longer songs now? i mean if you think about it, theres only 5 people and they have a whole hour. im a little confused. But back to K-Dizzle - he was good, sounded sweet, had some little bumps but i think it was kind of boring. Meh. Nice job but not my fav. 5.2 out of 10.
Allison Iraheta AKA On the Edge of Seventeen - "Someone to Watch Over Me"
She freaking reminds me of kelly clarkson, for real. WOW i really really really liked it this week. Im completley amazed and impressed. I could tell from the first two lines that she was going to reserve and hold back until the end for a better climax. HOLLA for someone knowing the importance of dynamics. And her raspyness made the words seem so much sweeter, and she sounded much more mature than 17. She knows how to perform, that is for damn sure. Nice job Allison Iraheta. 8.7 out of 10.
Sidenote- love the outfits so far this week
OMG its almost half over now..... and i have nothing to count from Paula. Im sorry fans, i dont know if there will be a crazy paula counter this week!!!! Maybe next week. I am starting to think that Paula might actually be an intellegent person. Like some of these statements this week are well composed. Maybe someone is finaly prewriting things for her. OR aliens have taken over her body. Paula has been invaded! Oh no! We must save her!
Matt Giraud AKA He goes home this week sorry to ruin the suprise - "My Funny Valentine"
The hats need to stop. I know his hair and ears make him look a little doofish but come on. Like its just enough already. Oooo its pitchy. He is not doing well. And he alternates between this wierd deep talking voice thing to a wobbly forced raspy singing to a quiet offkey falsetto. NOT GOOD. not okay. im so over it. yay for him leaving. Bye bye matt. 2.4 out of 10.
Omg paula quit touching Simon its creepy. Hahah her words make sense but she is still a nut case. But i do think Paula has been comprimised. Maybe Simon has something to do with it.
Danny Gokey AKA The annoying one with glasses and a goatee - "Come Rain or Come Shine"
So im going to be nice to Danny this week cuz i made fun of his dead wife and feel bad about it. Dead wives are a serious thing and its very painful and shouldnt be laughed at. If i had a wife and she died i would be sad. So i will no longer be making fun of his dead wife. He did REALLY well this week, like i super super super loved it. In the beginning he did his douche bag Gokey Grin that was so overwhelmingly enraging. But then he got like INTO IT and was scream singing and throwing the mic around saying "yeah yeah" a lot and i was so there. im so there danny. Congrats, i dont hate your singing (THIS WEEK). 8.9 out of 10.
She just said "Im going to keep this short". WHAT?!?!?! you never keep it short! And her eyes look lifeless.. they arent glossed over in inebriation or shimmer with the magical glow of insanity. They just look like fake robot eyes. PAULA IS A ROBOT!!! where is the real paula??? Maybe her dress hides all the knobs and roboty controls.
Ryan is a midget. Hahahahha i dont like that man.
Its the top 5! woo hoo! Is this the week i count up how many times paula uses 4 syllable words? Or maybe its the week i match up everyone to their cooridnating backstreet boy? (you know which one is lance....) What crazy shinanagins do i have in store this week? Lets find out!
Oh its the Rat Pack Week? Really? Wow this is gonna be one of those boring nights huh? And Jamie Foxx is a chump. Im not a fan, so im going to pretend he doesnt exist this week. And when do they start singing 2 songs? cuz only 5 songs is going to make this a short very boring blog. They used to have 2 each in the top 5, what the hell happened FOX? Sigh. Dont expect greatness from me this week. I dont dare to blog in the path of greatness.
Kris Allen AKA People Finally Know Who He Is - "The Way You Look Tonight"
Awww he is adorable, i see it now. Wow he really can sing, But it seemed short. Why dont they let them sing longer songs now? i mean if you think about it, theres only 5 people and they have a whole hour. im a little confused. But back to K-Dizzle - he was good, sounded sweet, had some little bumps but i think it was kind of boring. Meh. Nice job but not my fav. 5.2 out of 10.
Allison Iraheta AKA On the Edge of Seventeen - "Someone to Watch Over Me"
She freaking reminds me of kelly clarkson, for real. WOW i really really really liked it this week. Im completley amazed and impressed. I could tell from the first two lines that she was going to reserve and hold back until the end for a better climax. HOLLA for someone knowing the importance of dynamics. And her raspyness made the words seem so much sweeter, and she sounded much more mature than 17. She knows how to perform, that is for damn sure. Nice job Allison Iraheta. 8.7 out of 10.
Sidenote- love the outfits so far this week
OMG its almost half over now..... and i have nothing to count from Paula. Im sorry fans, i dont know if there will be a crazy paula counter this week!!!! Maybe next week. I am starting to think that Paula might actually be an intellegent person. Like some of these statements this week are well composed. Maybe someone is finaly prewriting things for her. OR aliens have taken over her body. Paula has been invaded! Oh no! We must save her!
Matt Giraud AKA He goes home this week sorry to ruin the suprise - "My Funny Valentine"
The hats need to stop. I know his hair and ears make him look a little doofish but come on. Like its just enough already. Oooo its pitchy. He is not doing well. And he alternates between this wierd deep talking voice thing to a wobbly forced raspy singing to a quiet offkey falsetto. NOT GOOD. not okay. im so over it. yay for him leaving. Bye bye matt. 2.4 out of 10.
Omg paula quit touching Simon its creepy. Hahah her words make sense but she is still a nut case. But i do think Paula has been comprimised. Maybe Simon has something to do with it.
Danny Gokey AKA The annoying one with glasses and a goatee - "Come Rain or Come Shine"
So im going to be nice to Danny this week cuz i made fun of his dead wife and feel bad about it. Dead wives are a serious thing and its very painful and shouldnt be laughed at. If i had a wife and she died i would be sad. So i will no longer be making fun of his dead wife. He did REALLY well this week, like i super super super loved it. In the beginning he did his douche bag Gokey Grin that was so overwhelmingly enraging. But then he got like INTO IT and was scream singing and throwing the mic around saying "yeah yeah" a lot and i was so there. im so there danny. Congrats, i dont hate your singing (THIS WEEK). 8.9 out of 10.
She just said "Im going to keep this short". WHAT?!?!?! you never keep it short! And her eyes look lifeless.. they arent glossed over in inebriation or shimmer with the magical glow of insanity. They just look like fake robot eyes. PAULA IS A ROBOT!!! where is the real paula??? Maybe her dress hides all the knobs and roboty controls.
Simon has turned her into a robot. Damn you Simon!
Adam Lambert AKA If Nutella and Barack Obama had a child it would be as amazing as Adam Lambert - "Feeling Good" (AKA Feeling Gay)
I LOVE YOU oh his little dramatic stairway entry and little shiny white suit. Oh he just makes my day. He is feeling good, looking good, sounding good, uh. Love. He was glowing with amazingness. He started with this beautiful waning airiness, then let his deeper sex voice come out to play. His passion was 8000 times higher than the other contestants this week. Im gonna listen to this song again when they legalize same sex marraige nationally cuz it will fit perfectly. That should be, what, next weekish? But anyway.... Adam, you get a wopping 9.7 out of 10.
Kara is officially a fag-hag (am i allowed to use the f word? i am right? like um since im you know... i think its okay.) she like drools over adam each week. Im gonna send her a note that explains that he is not interested in her. Cuz shes a girl. Sigh.
Hahahaha Adam totally blew a robot cicuit and the real Paula came through a little. Michael Phelps? COME ON. its absurd. "Forever absurd, forever Paula." That should be the name of her perfume line, if she ever gets a perfume line
Well i think this was short but sweet, kind of boring but like there were only 5 songs. i can only pull so much magic out of my ass. im no ass magic magician like Ms. Abdul. Hopefully next week will be more fun. And hopefully Paula will be freed from her new Robot body. So until next time,
Bon Appetit!
Play That Funky Recap White Boy (AKA Idol Recap 5)
Okay so my recap is going to be a little painful tonight. No, i mean like actually physically painful. I cut my elbow really deep with my knife at work tonight and typing is kind of an awkward angle How does one cut an elbow you ask? i have no idea but it happened. See picture below (Please dont show my mom or she will flip)
ANYWAY back to this american idol business. I have heard that tonight is disco night... and all i have to say to that is WOOOO HOOO!!!! HOLLA AT YA GIRL! i dont know if your aware of this but i am a HUGE disco fan. Like HUGE. like i have been belting out "I will survive" since i was in 5th grade. I love the beats and dance grooves and pointless lyrics about beats and dancing. And all the ridiculous sexual innuendo. Its a genre lost on so many with small minds and no inner beast calling them to the dancefloor. Its a little gem of american history, a generation captured within the deep bass riffs and wailing falsettos. It sparkles and shines with the sweat of dance fever, the passion on the floor, and the longing for a truer intimacy. THIS is why disco lives in my heart. LETS DO THIS THING!
Ooooo no group song?? Yay! Apparently they sucked each week and no one liked them. I wouldnt know because i have never actually listened to one of them this season but yay for less filler more thriller! and by thriller i mean crazy paula.
And wait they cut out the video intro things? WEIRD. I dont know what to make of this. Maybe next they will cut out Ryan! YAY! I also remembered that 2 contestants go this time instead of one since they used "the judges save" last week. Hmmm.... 7 contestants left..... interesting....
Lil Rounds AKA Is she really still here? AKA Grumpy- "Im Every Woman"
I chose Lil to be Grumpy cuz she always seems pissed at the judges. And she yells when she sings. And you know... insert stereotypical angry black woman comment here. Chaka Khan hahahaha that just sounds funny. Omg lil's ass is huge. Bree was totally right, i never noticed. She really isnt that good, I mean she doesnt suck this week but it isnt nearly as good as the original. And i cant understand any of the lyrics. She is doing a lot of yelling and the backgroundsingers are drowning her out. And she is off key. WOW that makes it seem like she sucked. Aight, she sucked. It wasnt nothin. 2.9 out of 10. Im glad she goes home (oh snap, did i just ruin it for everyone?)
Danny Gokey AKA DEEEAAAADDD WIIIFFFFEEE GUUUUYYYY AKA Doc- "September"
Dude, Doc wore glasses. So does dead wife guy. See? Plus both just suck as characters. So his wife died in July, i was hoping it was september. Aw. Boo. Boo for my inappropriateness. Oh i hate it already. And he literally just opened his mouth. Do i really have to watch this? fuck it im skipping it. I didnt even watch it. 0.8 out of 10. i hate you danny. so very much
**Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while seated- 0, Dancing while standing- 2, Clapping out of rhythm- 1**
I think that picture sums her up for the week. Just ridiculous and emotional and slightly nonsensical. And by slightly i mean like over the top bat shit crazy.
"Ive never questioned my visceral response when i hear you perform"
visceral: (adj) obtained through intuition rather than from reasoning or observation
How does she know words like that? i need to keep a dictionary beside me when i watch this show, Jesus paula. The hamster is working overtime. Her hands are shaking as she tells him "youre fascinating, youre brilliant, youre awesome". Hahahah and Simon just cracks his british as up after that. While paula stares into space with her head on her hands, barely moving for 60 seconds. She is sooooo wasted.
I still hate Ryan but "Pool of Abdul" is hilarious
Matt Giraud AKA Soulful White Boy AKA Dopey- "Stayin' Alive"
Hahahah he is sooooo dopey. Between his almost bald head and huge ears and slight mental retardation, its a perfect fit. Im glad this one sounds like a disco song, which is great. And he got to do his sexy white boy j-timb thing which works well for him. But he didnt really shine, he didnt sound that great, it was kind of a jumble. You have to love the song choice, its kind of hilarious. You know, cuz they used the judges save last week to keep him in the competition. And im totally glad they did. But this one didnt wow me. 5.3 out of 10.
...Bon Appetit
Knives are sharp. Dont cut your elbow dude. It sucks
ANYWAY back to this american idol business. I have heard that tonight is disco night... and all i have to say to that is WOOOO HOOO!!!! HOLLA AT YA GIRL! i dont know if your aware of this but i am a HUGE disco fan. Like HUGE. like i have been belting out "I will survive" since i was in 5th grade. I love the beats and dance grooves and pointless lyrics about beats and dancing. And all the ridiculous sexual innuendo. Its a genre lost on so many with small minds and no inner beast calling them to the dancefloor. Its a little gem of american history, a generation captured within the deep bass riffs and wailing falsettos. It sparkles and shines with the sweat of dance fever, the passion on the floor, and the longing for a truer intimacy. THIS is why disco lives in my heart. LETS DO THIS THING!
Ooooo no group song?? Yay! Apparently they sucked each week and no one liked them. I wouldnt know because i have never actually listened to one of them this season but yay for less filler more thriller! and by thriller i mean crazy paula.
And wait they cut out the video intro things? WEIRD. I dont know what to make of this. Maybe next they will cut out Ryan! YAY! I also remembered that 2 contestants go this time instead of one since they used "the judges save" last week. Hmmm.... 7 contestants left..... interesting....
A Chef's Log Presents: Crazy Paula and the Seven Dwarfs/Mediocre Previously Undiscovered Musicians
Lil Rounds AKA Is she really still here? AKA Grumpy- "Im Every Woman"
I chose Lil to be Grumpy cuz she always seems pissed at the judges. And she yells when she sings. And you know... insert stereotypical angry black woman comment here. Chaka Khan hahahaha that just sounds funny. Omg lil's ass is huge. Bree was totally right, i never noticed. She really isnt that good, I mean she doesnt suck this week but it isnt nearly as good as the original. And i cant understand any of the lyrics. She is doing a lot of yelling and the backgroundsingers are drowning her out. And she is off key. WOW that makes it seem like she sucked. Aight, she sucked. It wasnt nothin. 2.9 out of 10. Im glad she goes home (oh snap, did i just ruin it for everyone?)
Youve been every woman on that stage during this competition. Every other woman but yourself" - The future Paula Abdul, Ms. Kara Dioguardi
OMG paula looks so drugged up tonight. Like glazed over eyes and the slight slur and over active mouth movements. Im so pumped. She actually looks a little drunk too which would be AWESOME because we havent had a drunk paula in a while. She is like a rare fairy of the night.
Ryan you can go shove your inner goddess up your ass. Douche.
Kris Allen AKA Jason Mraz and Jack Johnson's laboratory baby created in a fucked up genetics experiment AKA Bashful- "She works hard for the money"
Kris shall be Bashful because he just seems so shy and sweet and very under the radar. Like very. Like i still dont remember his name sometimes. Okay so listen... i need to think about this performance for a second. Because that wasnt donna summer's song. Donna summer's song is a disco song. With a beat and like fun synthesizer and its fast and exciting and about a hooker. Now this song... this one was also about a hooker but um, it wasnt disco. I know that they are being original so whatev. I just like disco and feel that disco week should have SOME disco in it. Whatev. Kris did fine. He sounded fine. Its just.... its nothing i can dance to. And thats all i really want. That aside, i actually think i really liked it. Let me listen again. HOLY EFF! i love it! its amazing! (once you get past the whole its not disco thing) I would listen to this if it was an actual single. Solid vocals. Great arrangement. Cute little awkward Kris faces. Nicely done, i like it. 8.7 out of 10.
Ryan you can go shove your inner goddess up your ass. Douche.
Kris Allen AKA Jason Mraz and Jack Johnson's laboratory baby created in a fucked up genetics experiment AKA Bashful- "She works hard for the money"
Kris shall be Bashful because he just seems so shy and sweet and very under the radar. Like very. Like i still dont remember his name sometimes. Okay so listen... i need to think about this performance for a second. Because that wasnt donna summer's song. Donna summer's song is a disco song. With a beat and like fun synthesizer and its fast and exciting and about a hooker. Now this song... this one was also about a hooker but um, it wasnt disco. I know that they are being original so whatev. I just like disco and feel that disco week should have SOME disco in it. Whatev. Kris did fine. He sounded fine. Its just.... its nothing i can dance to. And thats all i really want. That aside, i actually think i really liked it. Let me listen again. HOLY EFF! i love it! its amazing! (once you get past the whole its not disco thing) I would listen to this if it was an actual single. Solid vocals. Great arrangement. Cute little awkward Kris faces. Nicely done, i like it. 8.7 out of 10.
Okay Paula cant even CLAP straight already. And we have an hour to go. The vodka in that coke glass is going to keep this show interesting. What the fuck are you talking about paula??? He isnt shopping anywhere, he is singing. In case you missed it: "A lot of women are known to shop in the mens department but there arent many men that are wiling to shop in the womens." I think she means that he was a guy and sang a girls song and that is unusual? Bad analogy. Adam is the crossdresser in his free time, not kris. Dont you google anything? We need Paula abdul subtitles, for real. But i still love her.
PS Simon makes paula so much better, pointing out her ridiculousness and antagonizing her and making the faces we are all making. Love him. And im glad no one cares what kind of underwear Kris buys.
PS Simon makes paula so much better, pointing out her ridiculousness and antagonizing her and making the faces we are all making. Love him. And im glad no one cares what kind of underwear Kris buys.
Danny Gokey AKA DEEEAAAADDD WIIIFFFFEEE GUUUUYYYY AKA Doc- "September"
Dude, Doc wore glasses. So does dead wife guy. See? Plus both just suck as characters. So his wife died in July, i was hoping it was september. Aw. Boo. Boo for my inappropriateness. Oh i hate it already. And he literally just opened his mouth. Do i really have to watch this? fuck it im skipping it. I didnt even watch it. 0.8 out of 10. i hate you danny. so very much
**Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while seated- 0, Dancing while standing- 2, Clapping out of rhythm- 1**
Allison Iraheta AKA Strawberry Shortcake La Espana AKA Sneezy- Hot Stuff
Allison always sounds like she has a cold or something. Which works for her, but makes her the Sneezy of the dwarfs. I love this song so very much. Holy shit she has some serious pipes. I hope she sticks with this music thing, even though she wont win idol. I really loved that, i felt it kept the disco groove and dance-ability and energy. But it also fit into her rocker chic thing. And it made me wanna go get some hot stuff. So ill give it a 7.9 out of 10
Allison always sounds like she has a cold or something. Which works for her, but makes her the Sneezy of the dwarfs. I love this song so very much. Holy shit she has some serious pipes. I hope she sticks with this music thing, even though she wont win idol. I really loved that, i felt it kept the disco groove and dance-ability and energy. But it also fit into her rocker chic thing. And it made me wanna go get some hot stuff. So ill give it a 7.9 out of 10
When Paula critiques, she makes these weird pauses as she tries to think of the next word. She does it most often before big words, and if you listen really really hard, you can hear the sound of the drunk hamster inside her Paula head spinning in his little brain wheel. Listen close. For real.
I love Adam's gay speaking voice. It is so cute and ubergay.
I love Adam's gay speaking voice. It is so cute and ubergay.
Adam Lambert AKA Jesus Third Cousin Twice Removed AKA Happy- "If I Cant Have You"
Okay so he is Happy the dwarf... get it? Happy? Which is a synonym for Gay? and he is Gay! haha how very very clever. So I was kind of bored. Its sooooo slow and different from the original. I loved the deep longing in his voice, that passion and pain. It was overwhelming . AND beautiful. He totally nailed it. But seriously, the thing that makes the original song what it is got lost. Yvonne Elliman's version (thats the one from Saturday Night Fever) had this quality of the pain behind a facade. Like, the peppiness of the disco beat made it seem like she was dancing to escape the reality that noone can fill the void. It isnt working but she tries anyway. thats the point of the song, that she cant fool herself. The meaning of the lyrics and theupbeat music are such a powerful juxtaposition. But his version was so honest and straightforward... it lost the poetics of the original. So great job for what it was. But it wasnt my fav. Sorry. His vocals and performing still kick everyone elses asses by 8 million percent. So even though im kind of disappointed, 9.2 out of 10.
Okay so he is Happy the dwarf... get it? Happy? Which is a synonym for Gay? and he is Gay! haha how very very clever. So I was kind of bored. Its sooooo slow and different from the original. I loved the deep longing in his voice, that passion and pain. It was overwhelming . AND beautiful. He totally nailed it. But seriously, the thing that makes the original song what it is got lost. Yvonne Elliman's version (thats the one from Saturday Night Fever) had this quality of the pain behind a facade. Like, the peppiness of the disco beat made it seem like she was dancing to escape the reality that noone can fill the void. It isnt working but she tries anyway. thats the point of the song, that she cant fool herself. The meaning of the lyrics and theupbeat music are such a powerful juxtaposition. But his version was so honest and straightforward... it lost the poetics of the original. So great job for what it was. But it wasnt my fav. Sorry. His vocals and performing still kick everyone elses asses by 8 million percent. So even though im kind of disappointed, 9.2 out of 10.
She is crying. Paula is crying. Like i saw a tear. It cut to her during the performance, and i have the screenshot for your viewing pleasure:
I. Am. So. Wasted.
I think that picture sums her up for the week. Just ridiculous and emotional and slightly nonsensical. And by slightly i mean like over the top bat shit crazy.
"Ive never questioned my visceral response when i hear you perform"
visceral: (adj) obtained through intuition rather than from reasoning or observation
How does she know words like that? i need to keep a dictionary beside me when i watch this show, Jesus paula. The hamster is working overtime. Her hands are shaking as she tells him "youre fascinating, youre brilliant, youre awesome". Hahahah and Simon just cracks his british as up after that. While paula stares into space with her head on her hands, barely moving for 60 seconds. She is sooooo wasted.
I still hate Ryan but "Pool of Abdul" is hilarious
Matt Giraud AKA Soulful White Boy AKA Dopey- "Stayin' Alive"
Hahahah he is sooooo dopey. Between his almost bald head and huge ears and slight mental retardation, its a perfect fit. Im glad this one sounds like a disco song, which is great. And he got to do his sexy white boy j-timb thing which works well for him. But he didnt really shine, he didnt sound that great, it was kind of a jumble. You have to love the song choice, its kind of hilarious. You know, cuz they used the judges save last week to keep him in the competition. And im totally glad they did. But this one didnt wow me. 5.3 out of 10.
Did Ryan just take a drink from Kara's coke cup? WHAT AN ASSHOLE?!?! thats gross, she doesnt want your spit in her coke. No one wants your spit anywhere. Cuz it has your DNA in it. And that is the root of all your suck-i-ness.
Anoop Desai AKA Nobody Enjoys Him Anymore AKA Sleepy- "Dim All the Lights"
He makes me sooo very tired. Hence his dwarf name. I am also convinced he is confused and thinks he has to grow a dwarf-like beard. SHAVE. Its called putting the razor to your face and moving it against the hair and shaving. Dammit. How hard is it. I know Danny was all stubbly last week with his stupid not shaved face but you cant pull that look off either. Idiot. So back to the song. I liked the beat a lot but hated the outfit. He cant rock things that are that sexy. He actually sounds pretty good. A little shaky at times, and he really didnt nail the last note. But his pipes are good. The problem is his voice isnt original and i couldnt recognize it if i heard it on the radio. He would do great in a choir or like a weird Indian boy band spoof of Backstreet Boys (Slumdog-street boys? hmmm.....) but really, he did aight. 4.9 out of 10 too bad he goes home (oh snap, i ruined it again!)
**Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while seated- 0, Dancing while standing- 4, Clapping out of rhythm- 1**
Yay for Paula breaking her Dancing while standing record!!! And YAY for the worst 2 going home this week. Im so happy the people i dont like that much are leaving. Next is getting rid of danny gokey......... ew.... i hate him. You know, without Anoop or Lil that leaves Allison as the only non-white contestant. (shes hispanic, remember?). She is also the only girl left. besides Adam. Cuz he is gay and that is the same as being a girl. I didnt know you didnt know. Lets hear it for the top 5!!! WOO HOO!!!!
Until next week...
He makes me sooo very tired. Hence his dwarf name. I am also convinced he is confused and thinks he has to grow a dwarf-like beard. SHAVE. Its called putting the razor to your face and moving it against the hair and shaving. Dammit. How hard is it. I know Danny was all stubbly last week with his stupid not shaved face but you cant pull that look off either. Idiot. So back to the song. I liked the beat a lot but hated the outfit. He cant rock things that are that sexy. He actually sounds pretty good. A little shaky at times, and he really didnt nail the last note. But his pipes are good. The problem is his voice isnt original and i couldnt recognize it if i heard it on the radio. He would do great in a choir or like a weird Indian boy band spoof of Backstreet Boys (Slumdog-street boys? hmmm.....) but really, he did aight. 4.9 out of 10 too bad he goes home (oh snap, i ruined it again!)
**Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while seated- 0, Dancing while standing- 4, Clapping out of rhythm- 1**
Yay for Paula breaking her Dancing while standing record!!! And YAY for the worst 2 going home this week. Im so happy the people i dont like that much are leaving. Next is getting rid of danny gokey......... ew.... i hate him. You know, without Anoop or Lil that leaves Allison as the only non-white contestant. (shes hispanic, remember?). She is also the only girl left. besides Adam. Cuz he is gay and that is the same as being a girl. I didnt know you didnt know. Lets hear it for the top 5!!! WOO HOO!!!!
Until next week...
...Bon Appetit
Idol Recap Numero Quatro (that means "#4" in spanish)
IDOL! im a day late because work hurt last night. also because i feel less loved this week than the previous few... i only had like 7 comments. Im just saying
Im just sayin ;)
Bon Appetit!
Okayyyy so movie week!!! i wish jasmine were still here, then she could sing that reflection song from mulan again (does anyone else remember her? no? moving on...)
Um all i need to make me excited for this episode is that opening intro where we first glimpse Paula. I can tell by that gleam in her eye that she is back. And she has a new pet, that sparkly thing on her neck. I think ill name it Joanne. Like REALLY? what is she wearing. sigh. And apparently Paula wont get to talk each time? BULLSHIT! okay lets do this.
Allison Iraheta AKA 16 Year Old with Horrible Hair - "Dont Wanna Miss a Thing"
Awesome strings section, i love a good string section. Okay so allison, you have HUGE balls for picking this song. Its a classic that you shouldnt fuck with. She did okay but the song is lower than her voices "sweet spot". Once she could go higher and hit her power stride it was okay but overall nope. Plus i just pictured Ben Affleck in a spacesuit the whole time. im dissappointed. 5.2 out of 10.
Paula is high on something. i can tell already. "You posses the same special sauce that he does and thats... authentic" ???? Shes back bitches.
Anoop Desai AKA Captain Unibrow - "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You"
I dont know if i liked it or not. Oh wait i didnt. It was flat i think, i mean im not a musical professor or anything but he was offkey for most of it. It was really boring (how does he know english? - my dad). He didnt hit that. And im officially pissed Paula isnt talking each time (officially. its official) 3.6 out of 10. Idol producer's new only 2 judges each time rule gets a 0.0 out of 10.
I dont know if i liked it or not. Oh wait i didnt. It was flat i think, i mean im not a musical professor or anything but he was offkey for most of it. It was really boring (how does he know english? - my dad). He didnt hit that. And im officially pissed Paula isnt talking each time (officially. its official) 3.6 out of 10. Idol producer's new only 2 judges each time rule gets a 0.0 out of 10.
Adam Lambert AKA Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice- "Born To Be Wild"
.... OH EM GEE!!!!! like i just cant even express how much i love him. AND his hair is back. yay! That was such a great version of a classic and he NAILED those vocals. i mean he was a little dramatic like always but its a performance right. I loved the drum beat guitar thing at the chorus. That was super original. And his falsetto yell thing he does is unbelievable. I just dont see how he could lose this competition, i really dont. His pants are so amazing too. If anyone questions his sexuality at this point just look at his pants. AAAANNND case closed. 9.6 out of 10.
.....
......
YOU DARE TO WHAT?
excuse me, excuse me, im sorry.... WHAT?
excuse me, excuse me, im sorry.... WHAT?
Paula..... i just want to thank you. for anyone who missed this week, and i quote:
"You dare to dance in the path of greatness" - Paula Abdul
hahahahaha AND:
"Fortune rewards the brave" - Paula Abdul
Holy mother effing eff man. She just... she takes my breathe away :)
Matt Guirard AKA Raspy Inconsistent-Genre Piano Guy- " Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?"
I really liked this actually! Except when he went sharp near the end but he worked it out. I thought it was well done and a nice song and great for his voice. I think if he would have played with the arrangement like some other contestants do (*cough adam cough*) it would have fit him more. But his voice sounded good when he was actually singing the right notes. Plus i love his outfits. 6.8 out of 10.
**Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while seated - 1, Dancing while standing- 1, Inappropriately touching Simon/ Being taken over by Joanne - 1**
Danny Gokey AKA The Pity Vote Is Running Out - "My Endless Love"
I hate harps. Its too much. Wait, where are his glasses? No no, this would be like Allison dying her hair another color. Or Adam not wearing guyliner. Or Scott seeing. We have one or two small things we can remember about each contestant and those cannot change or we get confused. Im just saying. This performance was sooooo boring. Very mediocre. and GO SHAVE. its called getting a razor and shaving your face. It looks like you stayed up all night with a case of coors light watching sports center and crying. Button your effing shirt. I hate you. 1.3 out of 10. take that. Harpist gets 1.4 out of 10.
"Your magic is in the timbre of youre voice and its that magical place that defines you as unique and unforgettable... You slay us at the end" hahahahahah oh Paula. YOU slay me. You really make no sense. Quentin Tarantino and Paula should have babies. They would make the most obscure nonsensical analogies ever and do it with style.
Kris Allen AKA Aww He's Cute - "Falling Slowly"
Again, big props to the string section. Awkward faces aside it was good. But see, i was really REALLY into the Once soundtrack last year, my friend Ian burnt me a copy. So i just didnt think he beat the original, not even close. It wasnt unique enough for me, though it sounded good for what it was. but im disappointed. I think that song is untouchable, but luckily for him most of the public doesnt feel that way (or even know that song). So 7.3 out of 10.
Lil Rounds AKA Wow Her Hair Grew Fast- "The Rose"
oh hey i know this song! But i never really understood it. Anyway, i think she did okay. She stuck to the original song pretty much, just putting a little Lil flair on it (but not enough). But she never broke into her power house range slash yelled and that is what i look forward to with her. Im ready for her to go home, i just dont even care when she performs. Also, that is a lot of sparkle behind her eyes. 4.4 out of 10. And a 8.4 on the makeup department for the glitter eyes! YAY for sparkles.
(Sidenote - Paula totally name dropped the writer of "The Rose", Amanda McBroom. I wikipedia-ed it and that is indeed the song writer. wow. I honestly dont think Paula knew that. I think Joanne told her. Joanne knows all.)
**Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while seated - 2, Dancing while standing- 1, Inappropriately touching simon/ Being taken over by Joanne - 2**
So tonight was a dud overall. I think this season just doesnt have the talent that a few of the past ones have had (besides Adam Lambert). Every once in a while i like a song but at this point, im only watching so i can do recaps. I mean i wasnt watching before you people made me do this, but its okay. Cuz i know you love them. And thats what its all about (that and the hokey pokey)
So I think i finally figured out Paula's outfit .... work with me here.... MAYBE the sparkly hideous monstrosity is just a giant collar and leash that is chaining her to the judges table so she cant escape. wait, im getting a flashback from a galaxy far far away....
Im just sayin ;)
Bon Appetit!
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