Idol Recap Numero Quatro (that means "#4" in spanish)

IDOL! im a day late because work hurt last night. also because i feel less loved this week than the previous few... i only had like 7 comments. Im just saying

Okayyyy so movie week!!! i wish jasmine were still here, then she could sing that reflection song from mulan again (does anyone else remember her? no? moving on...)

Um all i need to make me excited for this episode is that opening intro where we first glimpse Paula. I can tell by that gleam in her eye that she is back. And she has a new pet, that sparkly thing on her neck. I think ill name it Joanne. Like REALLY? what is she wearing. sigh. And apparently Paula wont get to talk each time? BULLSHIT! okay lets do this.

Allison Iraheta AKA 16 Year Old with Horrible Hair - "Dont Wanna Miss a Thing"

Awesome strings section, i love a good string section. Okay so allison, you have HUGE balls for picking this song. Its a classic that you shouldnt fuck with. She did okay but the song is lower than her voices "sweet spot". Once she could go higher and hit her power stride it was okay but overall nope. Plus i just pictured Ben Affleck in a spacesuit the whole time. im dissappointed. 5.2 out of 10.

Paula is high on something. i can tell already. "You posses the same special sauce that he does and thats... authentic" ???? Shes back bitches.

Anoop Desai AKA Captain Unibrow - "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You"
I dont know if i liked it or not. Oh wait i didnt. It was flat i think, i mean im not a musical professor or anything but he was offkey for most of it. It was really boring (how does he know english? - my dad). He didnt hit that. And im officially pissed Paula isnt talking each time (officially. its official) 3.6 out of 10. Idol producer's new only 2 judges each time rule gets a 0.0 out of 10.

Adam Lambert AKA Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice- "Born To Be Wild"

.... OH EM GEE!!!!! like i just cant even express how much i love him. AND his hair is back. yay! That was such a great version of a classic and he NAILED those vocals. i mean he was a little dramatic like always but its a performance right. I loved the drum beat guitar thing at the chorus. That was super original. And his falsetto yell thing he does is unbelievable. I just dont see how he could lose this competition, i really dont. His pants are so amazing too. If anyone questions his sexuality at this point just look at his pants. AAAANNND case closed. 9.6 out of 10.

.....

......

YOU DARE TO WHAT?
excuse me, excuse me, im sorry.... WHAT?

Paula..... i just want to thank you. for anyone who missed this week, and i quote:

"You dare to dance in the path of greatness" - Paula Abdul

hahahahaha AND:

"Fortune rewards the brave" - Paula Abdul

Holy mother effing eff man. She just... she takes my breathe away :)

Matt Guirard AKA Raspy Inconsistent-Genre Piano Guy- " Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?"

I really liked this actually! Except when he went sharp near the end but he worked it out. I thought it was well done and a nice song and great for his voice. I think if he would have played with the arrangement like some other contestants do (*cough adam cough*) it would have fit him more. But his voice sounded good when he was actually singing the right notes. Plus i love his outfits. 6.8 out of 10.

**Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while seated - 1, Dancing while standing- 1, Inappropriately touching Simon/ Being taken over by Joanne - 1**

Danny Gokey AKA The Pity Vote Is Running Out - "My Endless Love"

I hate harps. Its too much. Wait, where are his glasses? No no, this would be like Allison dying her hair another color. Or Adam not wearing guyliner. Or Scott seeing. We have one or two small things we can remember about each contestant and those cannot change or we get confused. Im just saying. This performance was sooooo boring. Very mediocre. and GO SHAVE. its called getting a razor and shaving your face. It looks like you stayed up all night with a case of coors light watching sports center and crying. Button your effing shirt. I hate you. 1.3 out of 10. take that. Harpist gets 1.4 out of 10.

"Your magic is in the timbre of youre voice and its that magical place that defines you as unique and unforgettable... You slay us at the end" hahahahahah oh Paula. YOU slay me. You really make no sense. Quentin Tarantino and Paula should have babies. They would make the most obscure nonsensical analogies ever and do it with style.

Kris Allen AKA Aww He's Cute - "Falling Slowly"

Again, big props to the string section. Awkward faces aside it was good. But see, i was really REALLY into the Once soundtrack last year, my friend Ian burnt me a copy. So i just didnt think he beat the original, not even close. It wasnt unique enough for me, though it sounded good for what it was. but im disappointed. I think that song is untouchable, but luckily for him most of the public doesnt feel that way (or even know that song). So 7.3 out of 10.

Lil Rounds AKA Wow Her Hair Grew Fast- "The Rose"

oh hey i know this song! But i never really understood it. Anyway, i think she did okay. She stuck to the original song pretty much, just putting a little Lil flair on it (but not enough). But she never broke into her power house range slash yelled and that is what i look forward to with her. Im ready for her to go home, i just dont even care when she performs. Also, that is a lot of sparkle behind her eyes. 4.4 out of 10. And a 8.4 on the makeup department for the glitter eyes! YAY for sparkles.

(Sidenote - Paula totally name dropped the writer of "The Rose", Amanda McBroom. I wikipedia-ed it and that is indeed the song writer. wow. I honestly dont think Paula knew that. I think Joanne told her. Joanne knows all.)

**Crazy Paula Counter: Dancing while seated - 2, Dancing while standing- 1, Inappropriately touching simon/ Being taken over by Joanne - 2**

So tonight was a dud overall. I think this season just doesnt have the talent that a few of the past ones have had (besides Adam Lambert). Every once in a while i like a song but at this point, im only watching so i can do recaps. I mean i wasnt watching before you people made me do this, but its okay. Cuz i know you love them. And thats what its all about (that and the hokey pokey)

So I think i finally figured out Paula's outfit .... work with me here.... MAYBE the sparkly hideous monstrosity is just a giant collar and leash that is chaining her to the judges table so she cant escape. wait, im getting a flashback from a galaxy far far away....

Im just sayin ;)

Bon Appetit!